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We wanted to present a portion of the article to you that touches on the author’s ideas on what it takes for a betrayed spouse to heal from cheating. It’s important to remember, healing from infidelity is a process – you cannot will yourself into healing.It is okay if you feel angry or upset reading about the process of healing, especially if you are in the crisis stage.
” or “You’re too sensitive.” Forgetting/Denial: the abusive partner pretends to have forgotten what actually occurred or denies things like promises made to the victim. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” or “You’re just making stuff up.” Gaslighting typically happens very gradually in a relationship; in fact, the abusive partner’s actions may seem harmless at first.In order to overcome this type of abuse, it’s important to start recognizing the signs and eventually learn to trust yourself again.According to author and psychoanalyst Robin Stern, Ph.Establish Boundaries: Personal boundaries are guidelines, rules or limits that a person creates to identify for themselves, what are reasonable, safe and permissible ways for other people to behave around him or her, and how he or she will respond when someone steps outside those limits.They are built out of a mix of beliefs, opinions, attitudes, past experiences and social learning.You may say to yourself, “I will never assign positive meaning for something so immensely painful!” Don’t mistake this statement to mean – giving credit to the trauma.Once an abusive partner has broken down the victim’s ability to trust their own perceptions, the victim is more likely to stay in the abusive relationship.There are a variety of gaslighting techniques that an abusive partner might use: Withholding: the abusive partner pretends not to understand or refuses to listen. “I don’t want to hear this again,” or “You’re trying to confuse me.” Countering: the abusive partner questions the victim’s memory of events, even when the victim remembers them accurately. “You’re wrong, you never remember things correctly.” Blocking/Diverting: the abusive partner changes the subject and/or questions the victim’s thoughts. “Is that another crazy idea you got from [friend/family member]?If so, your partner may be using what mental health professionals call “gaslighting.” This term comes from the 1938 stage play , in which a husband attempts to drive his wife crazy by dimming the lights (which were powered by gas) in their home, and then he denies that the light changed when his wife points it out.It is an extremely effective form of emotional abuse that causes a victim to question their own feelings, instincts, and sanity, which gives the abusive partner a lot of power (and we know that abuse is about power and control).